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Traveling with Others is Hard

Deciding who to travel with can make the difference between a great trip & an, um…okay trip. There are a few people we have traveled with in the past that we will never travel with again. We are lucky that we still have decent relationships with those people in general, but there is no way we will be traveling with them again. Nope, never. However, what do you do when grandma decides to pay for everyone to go to Disneyland?  Or one of your best friends puts together a girl’s weekend? What do you do even in smaller groups of people you like and choose to travel with, but who all have their own opinions?

While traveling is always a choice, sometimes we are put into situations where we feel an obligation to go, but you know it’s not going to be ideal with the group of people you’re going with.  It could be because you don’t get along, it could be because one person can’t ever get out of bed on time, or it could be there are just so many of you, moving everyone takes forever.  So how do you navigate these situations & still have a great vacation, plus make sure your relationships are still intact when you come home?  It’s a hard question whose answer is as unique as the groups traveling together.  However, in my experience, I’ve recognized a few helpful tips to help navigating traveling with a group.

Family & Friends at Mickey’s Halloween Party in Disneyland – 2015

First, set expectations beforehand.  Whatever the expectations are, make sure people know in advance. Everyone has some idea in their head about how they would like their vacation to look and when you’re traveling with a group, I can almost guarantee that differing ideas are the norm, not the exception. If those ideas are not acknowledged in advance, it can lead to hard feelings very quickly while on the trip itself.  There is nothing worse than showing up and thinking things are going to go one way just to have someone tell you your ideas are completely wrong & things will be done the complete opposite way. Not setting expectations beforehand is just asking for people to be offended which sets a dark tone for the trip from the beginning. 

To set those expectations, I recommend meeting together beforehand (whether in person or video chat). Do not just text or email, but actually get together and talk. Body language & tone of voice are very telling. Maybe over text I can fool you into thinking I’d love to go to that famous sushi restaurant because I’m afraid to tell you no, but when you look in my face, and can tell I’m uncomfortable when we are actually talking about it, maybe I can find my courage to admit that I hate seafood. You may still choose to go to that famous sushi restaurant, but at least I can go find something that I like better, and it’s no surprise to you, keeping us both happy. Legitimately talking with each other allows everyone to voice what their vision for the trip is and knowing beforehand what to expect from the others in your group, can save a lot of hurt feelings & arguments later. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say everyone will agree (more on how to navigate that next), but at least you’ve all had the chance to get an idea of what the other people you’re traveling with are thinking. Please remember to keep it civil! This discussion will set the tone for the entire vacation. The idea isn’t to convert everyone to your way of thinking, it’s to help everyone get an idea of what to expect from each other. Different ideas are a good thing, so be open to what others have to say and don’t get offended if it doesn’t match what you want. You never know when someone will have the one great idea that makes the trip.

Group of Friends in Kauai, HI – 2018

Okay, you’ve gotten together to set expectations. What specifically do you talk about? Besides the obvious logistics of a trip (hotel, transportation, etc.), I believe it’s important to somewhat establish what your daily routine will look like while on vacation.  The best piece of advice I can give a group traveling together is to recognize from the beginning that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. One more time for the people not paying attention: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. You heard me.  You do not have to spend every waking moment together.  This is probably the biggest mistake I see groups traveling together make.  They feel like if the trip is with everyone, they have to spend the entire trip together.  To that I say, what about your sister who has to stop in every gift shop?  What about Grandpa who has to have a full sit-down breakfast every day?  What about your cousin who has two kids under the age of five who need a nap & to go to bed early?  What about YOU and what you want? Every individual has their own needs & wants that may not exactly match up with each other. That’s OKAY! Stop trying to force everyone to do the same thing! Instead, do what makes you happy.  It’s vacation! You’re supposed to escape regular life for a bit, relax, experience someplace new & have a great time. Sometimes, trying to move an entire group along is just painful and not fun for anyone, so do not force people to do everything together. If it is important to spend at least a little bit of time together (which is reasonable since you did go on vacation with each other), I have a few suggestions.

Us & the Parents at Stonehenge, England – 2016

Designate one activity per day as something you will do together.  For example, maybe everyone gets together for dinner.  It gives you the chance to spend your day how you choose, your sister goes shopping, Grandpa takes a long breakfast, you visit the museum you’ve been dying to, but then you all make a point to come back together to share experiences & enjoy each other’s company. You set a time & place & the expectation that everyone will be there. This is an easy way to give people the freedom they need, but also to have time together in a pleasant circumstance.

If you need or want more time together than one activity per day, then I suggest doing your research beforehand about what is available to do in your destination (see our blog post “Planning Never Hurt Anyone”). Once you have a good idea, let each person or family unit pick ONE thing they absolutely have to do & make sure everyone gets the chance to do their one thing. This helps everyone to feel important & satisfied. This is good advice for even small groups traveling together & my husband and I often do it with my parents & our friends.  For example, when we went to London with my parents, we each picked one thing we had to do.  I wanted to visit the Tower of London, my mom wanted to take an excursion out to Stonehenge, my dad wanted to see The Phantom of the Opera.  They are all very different things, but we all enjoyed them & everyone felt like they had contributed to what ended up being one of our favorite trips ever.  Oftentimes, what one person wants to do will overlap with the wants of someone else, so even if you only get to pick one thing, often you get to do lots of awesome stuff and maybe even a few great things you wouldn’t have found on your own. 

The key to this plan though, is to make sure you don’t whine & complain when it’s not your turn.  If your sister chose to go shopping as her one thing, make the most of that time with her doing what she loves.  If Grandpa chose breakfast at a famous local restaurant, enjoy the experience & time with him.  This will allow you to see & do things you may not have elected to do yourself, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing.  Everyone is empowered to make a choice & everyone supports each other in that choice.  However, if you can’t be a good sport about it, don’t do this.  Go back to picking one thing each day that the group does together, and just do what makes you happy the rest of the time.

Traveling with a group can be a difficult experience, but it can also be very rewarding as you build positive relationships and create new memories together in a new place.  Open the lines of communication with everyone early & recognize it’s okay if you don’t do everything together.  In fact, it’s often a better idea than trying force everyone to spend every minute together.  If you need help, we are always here. We would be happy to help you navigate traveling with a group. It is a different experience for sure! Visit our website to get started: http://woodbreyfamilytravel.com/getaquote.php